


On My Own Terms

by Chazene



Series: Secrets and Revelations [5]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Idiots in Love, SuperCorp, The Truth is Out There, they finally talk, they just need to talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22457206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chazene/pseuds/Chazene
Summary: Kara and Lena finally talk.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: Secrets and Revelations [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/741039
Comments: 4
Kudos: 98





	On My Own Terms

**Author's Note:**

> I've been really pissed at the SG writers lately, and I've not been able to write much for my Skyrim AU, and so this happened. Enjoy.

Everyone had been gone, she had lost everyone, again. And little by little, Kara felt herself succumbing to the darkness. But now Crisis was over, and though everyone was back, things were different. Not too different, but different. Alex was alive, her rock, her beautiful, sweet, strong sister, was alive. She cried into her sister’s arms, refusing to let go for even a second as she felt Alex’s warmth once more. She couldn’t let go.

“Kara,” Alex whispers, taking her sister to her couch, letting her sister cling to her side as they lie down. “Kara, what happened?”

And so, Kara tells her. She tells her the pain of losing everyone for a second time, and how she had to put on a brave face as she watched all those she loved, be taken away in the blink of an eye. She tells her about the fight, the fight for saving billions of lives, and how the Earth’s are now merged into one universe. Alex takes all this information in. And she feels sorrow for her sister, to have gone through all that pain again, and still fight on.

“I don’t what I can say to help you through this sis, other than I’ll always be here.”

“El Mayarah,” Kara whispers as her head lays on her sister’s leg, the exhaustion of the past days finally taking over.

“El Mayarah,” Alex repeats, kissing her sister’s temple, “I love you.”

Alex doesn’t move when Kara falls asleep. She just looks at her sister’s face, wondering just how Kara could have kept going after going through so much pain and loss, again. She truly was the Girl of Steel. She thinks of all the sacrifices Kara has made to protect the city, the people she loves. Alex moves a few strands of hair out of Kara’s closed eyes, “you’re too good for us Kara. And we don’t deserve you, but I am so, infinitely happy that you’re my sister.” She kisses her sister’s temple one more time before allowing her head to fall against the pillows on the couch.

Kara wakes the next morning feeling far more relieved. There’s a smell of bacon in the air, and Kara’s eyes light up. She sees her sister in the kitchen, with Kelly standing behind her, her arms snaked around her torso. And Kara takes the scene in with heart eyes. She is so happy her sister has found love.

But in that moment, there is one more person that Kara realizes she needs to see.

“Lena,” Kara shouts, not aware she’d said it out loud.

Alex and Kelly turn to see Kara finally awake. “What about her? Also, morning,” Alex greets.

“I,I,I, I need to see her,” Kara stammers as she gets up and flies out the window, before Alex and Kelly can say anything. Kara flies to Lena’s apartment and changes in her civilian clothes before rushing up to Lena’s floor. She bangs on the door, probably louder than was necessary, but thankfully, there is no damage to the door. But Kara hears a few grunts and groans from the other side of the door, and a shuffling of feet at the steps slowly make their way to the door.

Kara then realizes that she isn’t prepared for this. She isn’t prepared to see Lena yet, she remembers all the bad things said before the Crisis, and _oh god, I’m so not ready for this. What can I say? Will she even listen to me? Will she open the door, see me, and then close it? Will she even smile? Will she even look at me?_ But all thoughts halt when Lena opens the door. And Kara’s jaw drops, and she feels the tears fall.

“Kara,” Lena asks with confusion as to why Kara was at her door so early. But then she notices the tears in her best friend’s eyes. “Kara,” Lena repeats. She doesn’t know how to feel. She’s still mad, yes, but Lena thinks of what Kara must have been through. Lena thinks of what Kara must have felt seeing her life being ripped away. Lena isn’t sure how to feel and doesn’t know why Kara is here. “Kara, why are you…” But her words are cut off when Kara rushes forward and envelopes her in a crushing hug. Lena isn’t sure how to respond, she’s far too confused. Her hands hang up in the air, as Kara only tightens her hold. Lena begins to feel Kara’s tears pool on her shoulder, and Lena’s anger and confusion dissipate. Because it has been so long since she’s felt the warmth of Kara’s hugs. She’d forgotten how they make her melt on the spot, she forgot how they make her forget everything else in the world, she forgot how Kara’s hugs seem to make everything bright and happy. She forgot how Kara’s hugs…she forgot that they made her fall in love with Kara in the first place. And Lena start’s crying too. All her feelings of betrayal are gone as she thinks of Kara’s situation, and there is so much to be said, but now, here, in this moment, there is only one thing to do. Lena let’s her arms drop to Kara’s back, wrapping them around, bringing Kara even closer in their hug.

“Lena,” Kara whispers into Lena’s ear, the air of her voice tickling against the side of her face, “Lena, I’m so sorry.”

“Shh,” Lena coos. “There is no need for apologies. If anything, it is I, who am sorry.” And Lena means it. She thinks back to when Kara told her. She thinks about how terrified she looked as she revealed her secret, not knowing Lena already knew. But Lena should have listened. She should of stayed. Because even if Kara had been lying to her for so long, she still trusted her enough to tell her. She trusted a Luthor. Lena thinks of all of Kara’s reasons to keep her true self a secret and thinks that it wasn’t Lena’s place to know all of Kara’s secrets. After all, Lena has secrets of her own, one that she’s battled with for so long that if she stays in this hug one more second, it’s bound to come out. And so Lena breaks away from the hug, allowing herself to gaze into the ocean blue eyes that she loved so much, the eyes that had only ever shown love, not lies. Lena silently curses herself for not realizing it sooner. She curses herself for allowing her Luthor genes to shine through. She curses herself for nearly allowing her last name to destroy the single greatest thing in her life. But soon her  
self-deprecation ceases. Kara’s hands are placed on Lena’s cheeks, and her thumbs wipe away tears from both eyes. Tears of pain, of love, of happiness, and fright, all wiped away with Kara’s gentle touch. Lena places her own hands over Kara’s, and her head falls against Kara’s. They stand there in the still open doorway, forehead’s touching. They don’t speak, for all they need is each other’s presence that has been vacant these past months. Lena isn’t sure how she managed without Kara in her life. She told herself it was easier this way, to allow herself to be lonely, because no one else would hurt her. But the more people she pushed away, Kara, Alex, Brainy, Nia, the lonelier she felt, the more pain she’d feel. She thought it would go away over time, told herself that she didn’t need friends. But now, she realizes she’d been so foolish. It was Kara who always saw the good in her. It was Kara who had fought tooth and nail, as Supergirl and Kara Danvers, who protected her at every turn. It was Kara who brought her into the light of friendship with the people Kara surrounded herself with. It was Kara who made people believe in Lena Luthor, it was Kara who made Lena believe in herself. It was Kara who made Lena love again. And Lena wants to tell Kara everything that she’d done for her, but she is beat to the punch.

“My name is Kara Zor-El,” Kara starts. “I was born on the planet Krypton, and when I was 13, my home was destroyed. I was sent here to protect Superman. He was just a baby then, but I was thrown of course, into the phantom zone, and I was stuck there for 24 years. And when I finally came to Earth, my baby cousin and grown into who he is today. So, instead of becoming a hero like I was supposed to, I became an ordinary girl from Midvale. I found a new family, I found Alex. The first several months were tough, but we soon formed an unbreakable bond. And for years, our bond has been unrivaled. That is, until I met you.”

Lena’s heart jumps, and she so badly wants to say something, but Kara is still talking.

“Lena, I love you so much. I love you so much that I couldn’t sleep some nights. After we…I…after…after I told you, and then…then the Fortress…I’d lie awake thinking I could make amends. I’d lie awake thinking how I’d fly over here and make you talk to me. But I respected your space too much, so I’d lie awake, listening for your heartbeat in hopes to fall asleep. It wasn’t really hard to fall in love with you. What was hard was telling myself that I deserve you.”

Now Lena opens her mouth to speak, because in what world would Kara think she isn’t deserving of Lena? If anything, it should be the other way around. “Kara, I think…”  
“Lena,” Kara interrupts. “You are far too good for this world. There is no one in this city that deserves the good you do. I don’t care about the things you’ve done. I don’t care about what happened in the Fortress, I don’t care about Myriad, because I know that was all my fault, not yours. All I ever cared for was that you were safe, and that you were happy. It broke my heart that I caused this pain. It broke my heart that I made you feel alone. It broke my heart that I couldn’t summon the courage to tell you years ago. It broke my heart to break your trust. But I can’t take back what I’ve done. All I can do is say I’m sorry and make you a promise right here and now, that I will do everything in my power to earn your trust back, and I promise that from here on out, I will never lie to you Lena. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t lie to you. It breaks my heart every time I keep anything from you. I love you too much and I just…”

“Kara, I,” Lena whispers, hoping to have her turn to speak.

“I just, you deserve the world Lena. And I want to give that to you. But I broke your trust, and I don’t know how I can make amends,” Kara continues to ramble.

“Kara,” Lena says, a little louder, but Kara rambles still.

“I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me Lena. Because I just want to make you happy, and if you want me to leave, I understand, but I will never ever…”

“KARA!” Lena doesn’t shout, but she shakes Kara’s shoulder a bit, hoping to draw Kara from her word vomit. Kara almost seems stunned, her eyes wide and her jaw down. But Lena is smiling wide, feeling that her world is mending. She walks to the couch, leading Kara in her hand, hoping that Kara will calm herself and allow Lena to speak her piece.

They sit in relative comfort, but Kara is fidgeting with her glasses, and her hands, unsure of how to act. She knows that Lena knows she doesn’t need glasses, so the disguise is useless now, but she also doesn’t really know how to act as her true self in front of Lena. But Kara’s answer comes slow as Lena removes Kara’s glasses for her.

“I should have known,” Lena confesses, “no two people could have eyes as beautiful as yours.” Lena stares into Kara’s blues, in awe for a moment before looking at the smile appearing on Kara’s lips, “no one else could possibly have your smile Kara, it’s too bright for this world.”

Lena let’s out a deep breath, “Kara, I am sorry. I should have let you explain yourself. Because even though Lex was the one that told me, you still revealed yourself on your own, I never forced your hand. You ended up trusting me, not knowing I was already betraying you.”

“No,” Kara said firmly, “I’ve always trusted you Lena. Well, there may have been a few moment where I was really the best friend you deserve, but I’ve always loved you Lena, and when I told you who I am, I wasn’t just telling you my secret, I was opening myself, my true self to you. For so long, I loved just having to be Kara Danvers for you. I loved being Kara Danvers. But the more I fell in love with you, I realized that I couldn’t give myself to you, until I gave all of me to you.”

Lena, for the first time since Kara had come into her apartment, didn’t have a response. To be fair, Lena hadn’t expected Kara in the first place. She was caught completely off guard, a rarity in Lena’s line of work, and though she won’t admit it, not yet at least, she was completely at Kara’s mercy.

“I just,” Kara pauses, “I really love you Lena, and I’m sorry I couldn’t show it the right way.”

And for the first time in their conversations, neither have anything to say, but Kara chooses to close the distance between them, and Kara wraps her arms and Lena and pulls her into her body, cuddling her closely, and not letting go. And Lena allows her friend to hold her. She knew she missed Kara’s contact in the months they’d been fighting. But she had forgotten how safe she felt in Kara’s arms.

“Kara,” Lena whispers, as Kara runs her hands through Lena’s hair as she lays her head on Kara’s lap. “Kara, I don’t want to be angry at you anymore.”

“Lena, I’ll spend every day from now on to make you happy.”

Lena sits up and turns, sitting on Kara’s lap, and she lays her arms around Kara’s neck. She sees Kara blush and smiles, “Promise?”

“I will always be here for you,” Kara says, calling back to her promise that felt like ages ago. Kara is suddenly very aware of how close Lena is. And her heart knows what she wants to happen. It’s screaming for her to say yes, for Lena to close the distance. But she isn’t sure that it’s the right moment. She wants to kiss Lena, there is no doubt about that, but, not like this, not when they’ve finally opened themselves and poured out their hearts to each other. Kara wants to do this right, she wants to reveal all of herself to Lena, on her own terms. “Can I take you to dinner?”

Lena almost whines when Kara pulls away. She knew Kara had to hear her heart beat wildly, begging for the kiss that she knew Kara wanted just as badly.

“Yes,” Lena breathes, but she hasn’t let go of Kara. Part of her is hoping Kara will see that Lena wants this, that she’s ready. “Yes,” she repeats.

Time passes and Lena finally lets go and Kara get ups to leave. They had talked a bit more about their lives, about the things they’ve missed since they last had a chance to really talk.

“Lena, I’m really happy you let me talk. And even though you’ve said you’ve forgiven me, I won’t stop trying to make you happy every day.”

Lena pulls Kara in for a hug, something that surprises Kara, because Lena had never once pulled her in for a hug so tight. But Kara embraces her fully, and as she let’s go, she feels the urge to kiss her again.

“I’ll see you soon for our dinner date,” Lena whispers.

And then Kara leaves. The door closes behind her, and she’s at a loss for words.

_I won’t stop trying to make you happy,_ Kara’s own words echo in her head. _Kissing her would have made her happy,_ Kara thinks.

“OH,” she shouts. And she spins around and slams her fist on the door. She forgets her strength and her hand goes through the wood, and the door opens on its own, revealing Lena with a shocked expression. There’s a flurry of emotions through Kara, but she’s done waiting.

“Kara, what are you…” But Kara rushes forward and places her hands-on Lena’s cheeks and her thumb crosses her lips.

“I’m done waiting,” and Kara’s lips nearly touch Lena’s, whose heart is pounding, but Kara remembers her promise, not to hurt Lena ever again, and she waits for Lena to close the distance.

“Kara,” Lena whispers, “will you just kiss me already?”

Kara spins them around and pushes Lena against the broken door. And finally, after so many years, so much tension, so many lunches and looks and touches. So much love, and it’s finally come to be in one, searing, heart soaring, firework explosive kiss.

Lena tastes like cherry, her lipstick probably, having been bright red, and certainly is being imprinted over Kara’s lips. Her hands move down to Lena’s thighs, and Kara brings her up and pulls her close. Kara parts her lips when she feels Lena’s tongue. Kara feels herself begin to float off the ground, carrying Lena in her arms.

Lena pulls apart from the kiss, now feeling that she’s floating in the air. But she only smiles, as Kara still floats and smiles.

“It’s about damn time,” Lena laughs, resting her forehead against Kara’s.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Kara says, kissing her again. And again. And again. Kara slowly moves them back to the couch and drops down to the cushions with Lena under her.

And it’s here where Kara feels complete. She feels all of the love she’s been missing. She feels Lena. She felt free. She got to give Lena her soul, and it was finally on her own terms.


End file.
